i am missing...

1) training with the x-men... the very first debate team that i coached... they are my pride and joy... each and every one of them are so dear and precious to me... my firstborns, the ones who would lay down their lives as long as sir coach needs them to...

2) jg 2009... what a year it has been... to have both my teams face up against each other... i think the quarters match marked this competition for me... a proud father of my own team and my student's team...

3) my bv girls... just did tech run for syf today... they finally hit the essence of the script... not written fantastically but executed flawlessly... whatever result we get, they are gold medalists already!

4) doing silly things at silly times on silly days... haha... driving to town to just shop in one store then rushing off to work again... silly right?

5) dragonboat training... never touch paddle for three weeks liao... having withdrawal...

a friday for recollection...

it's been a long time since i got the morning off... a bit too long in fact... granted that i have work till late tonight (which i'm perfectly fine with), having a morning off to do 'nothing' is just nice...

well it's a morning of recollection cos i just want to remember some things... good things...

1) bought a new man toy... haha... it's an ipod this time round... then dinner in a weird corner of ngee ann city basement food court... driving home then cutting two lanes to turn into florist... hehe... all worth it!

2) falling ill and getting a stiff neck at the same time... people around me just kept fussing about how i need to take care of myself... perfect excuse to whine to the father... haha... hey! i am a child at heart...

3) debate... both schools going up against each other in quarters... it's going to be interesting watching the coaches actually... the sideshow as i have termed it... *note to self* buy coffee... evil laugh...

4) sitting in the car and watching lady gaga... you have to join club mazda to know what i mean... haha

5) pay cheques! i think i got paid almost every day of the week since sat for different assignments and events... ka-ching ka-ching ka-ching... i love month ends...

giving thanks...

for a marvellous monday...

- kickstarted a new workshop series for a local school... very pleased with the response
- had a great training session... very happy that students were responsive
- reviewed last friday's competition with my students
- confirmed a job with my long-time client but sharing some of the load with a friend... if not really overloaded...

for a terrific tuesday...

- waking up at 7.30am to play driver... haha...
- performance in a school hall that had air-conditioning... shiok la... teachers and children were surprisingly responsive...
- finally did a full run for final journey... looks good!
- went shopping for birthday present then dinner at taka... it was more funny than fun... laughed a lot...

for a wonderful wednesday...

- another early morning but not too bad...
- cheap canteen food... quite tasty too!
- worked an hour but getting two hours' pay!
- met new batch of minions... bad but not that bad...
- dinner with mini-me and gerald... nice chillout and winding down after a long day
- oh, GNC is having a two-for-the-price-of-one promotion... yeah! myoplex stockup!
- cleared bulk of paperwork...

good qi! good qi! good qi!

end for a new beginning... beginning for a new end...

the final day of the year is always an interesting one... after today, all that has happened in 2008 would become history... it would be last year's affairs... so is that an end or a beginning?

whichever it is... 2009 is looking interesting... here are some reasons why...

1) career (or the lack of it): took up another school for debating. so i have two schools for debates and one for drama... doing a simple calculation of teaching two hours a day, the figures come up to something pretty decent... so the rumours are true after all, one can survive working minimal hours... hehe

2) carpark: quite funny why i listed it but i've discovered a way to DOUBLE my parking points at vivocity... but yes, it still involves spending lots of money though... so i guess in the brand new year, i will be hanging out at vivo A LOT more...

3) calvin klein, chanel: enough said...

hmm... how the pattern emerged is beyond me... probably due to the sub-conscious working overtime...

4) clubbing: time to explore new clubs and find new kakis!

5) car: to buy or not to buy... haha

that's about it for now... don't want to start rambling!

@ditor's @-lib

situation 1 - sometime during dinner

friend: so what are your plans for the future?
me: try to take over the world
friend laughs and then in a serious tone...
friend: no seriously, what are your REAL PRACTICAL plans for the future?
me in a deadpan serious voice
me: try to take over HALF the world?

situation 2 - while typing message on yahoo group

before posting the message, you can select the language to post message in. i had half a mind to post the message in arabic or croatian... now won't that be fun... although my students will think that i am psycho... wait! they call me the ebil (evil) coach... so what's new?

situation 3 - msn with ex-housemate

hm: how are you?
me: i'm good... enjoy the down time from work and working out my calendar for 2009
hm: wow
me: nothing to wow about... in event-speak, it's unemployment in dec and begging for work in january to cover losses

i am such a funny fella!

the most important men in my life...

1) the father... he's forever so giving and generous. i wish that as i age, i become more like him... his insight towards life and his devotion to the three of us leaves me speechless... his sense of humour is also one-of-a-kind, he smiles at the face of adversity and spits at difficulty... he is my hero... truly!

2) the financial planner... granted that he earns money from me but i give him credit of the good work he does. he's fuss-free and knows exactly what i want out of my money... i bring home the bacon, he tells me how to cook it... sweet eh!

3) the brother... let's just say that i am not an ungrateful brat. i remember the days when i was literally a struggling artiste, waiting for a big break or any break for that matter... you would buy me dinner... a simple packet of rice that costs you two bucks... and you did it very often... not to mention how you always topped up the rice cos the owners of the stall used to say... extra rice no extra charge... so don't worry, whatever may happen, you've got me!

4) long shao... time really flies. we've been there for each other for the good, the bad and the ugly... we still have our disagreements but i guess our friendship has withstood the test of time... the world is our oyster... next stop, kayak one-star! haha...

sorry girls... you've gotta wait till i'm inspired before you get some space on the online @dition... haha

thoughts... in general...

since i still have fifty minutes during my witching hour, i might as well make use of the time and write something...

if you love something, let it go. if it returns, it's yours.

too many times, we have held on too tightly. perhaps in holding on, we have unknowingly suffocated that which we held. yet holding on tightly gives one security, that through it all, i will hold on firmly and not let go...

looking back, me holding on has never been all nice. admittedly there have been times when i let go, times when i refused to budge and gripped, times when i just had to feel something in the palm of my hand. selfish, self-centred... perhaps...

so it's a challenge to hold on to something dear to you, to keep it close to you, safe in your arms.

however it is a feat to let it go, let go because if it is yours to begin with. it will return. letting go takes confidence and self-assurance that all things will be fine.

as the end of the year draws near, i will not come up with new resolutions or new targets for myself... instead, i shall make promises with me... promises that i will attempt to keep... and they shall surface over the new couple of weeks on The Online @-dition... haha...

here's the first:

i promise that i shall hold on to the people in my life. jesus, my father, my friends, my teammates, my bosses, my fellow workers, my students. to them, i give my time and my limited wisdom.

confessions...

1) i am lazy... dad came into room last night and said that i was a karang guni (rag and bone) man because of the amount of things i was hoarding. admittedly i was hoarding things but mainly i was just LAZY to pack my room...

2) i am dirty... oh, the countless nights that i have gone to bed without showering. to think that i used to advocate how important it is to keep the skin nice and fresh before bedtime. but usually it's because i am dog-tired.

3) i am wicked... dressing room jokes at the expense of my sister. i detest her but if she her some of the things i said, she would fume. latest joke... edwin: santa, santa, but i wanted a puppy for christmas! santa: i gave you a sister didn't i?

4) i am partying too much... wednesday, friday, saturday, sunday... add that to the number of late night dinners and hanging out sessions... in true singapore style, CAN DIE MAN!

5) i am arrogant... met an insurance agent yesterday. i think i dissed him a bit too much. a bit too much of an ego rush for me... but it was fun while it lasted... i think he will remember that hour for a long time to come *evil laugh*

okay... back to packing the room

before i slip into oblivion...

here are just some stuff to happened over the last couple of weeks...

1) went and returned from the batam work trip... my thoughts, great people i worked with (these will be OUR performers), bad overseas talents, bad management, bad food, bad lodging (no water pressure in shower and lousy air-con)... i really didn't enjoy the trip though it was just an overnight stay...

2) had my pay cut by a few hundred bucks... it's super annoying la... i'm easygoing when it comes to work but when people start to be picky and all, then you are just taking my kindness as weakness... no more mr nice guy!

3) rehearsed and started the precious moments show at suntec city... this is one of the fastest and least hassle shows that i have been involved in... maybe just cos maybe... *evil thought*

4) getting a year-end bonus from rainbow... not sure of the amount but every little bit counts!

5) discovered that a certain member of the family has been siphoning money off the father's bank account... for goodness' sake, he's your own father!

6) clubbing, partying, drinking... need i say more?

to do or not to do...

just wondering if i should take the following actions (for pure recreation):

1) wake up bright and early tomorrow morning at 7am then head to ikea for their preview thingy. they are giving free breakfast... so i'm wondering if i should go for free breakfast? just to soak up the typical singaporean-ness atmosphere...

2) write in to zara and complain about saleschild who dissed me because i was in baggy t-shirt, berms and flip-flops... the last time i complained about someone, the fellow was fired... actually i would like to get that asshole fired for tarnishing the image of zara... oh, and it'll be fun to get someone sacked too!

3) prepare nice outfit for batam's event... apparently i am invited for the dinner... but i would really rather just hang out backstage or laze in my room... don't really fancy sitting through a five hour dinner although the programme looks way cool...

4) make life that much more difficult for people who work with me... haha... i have been known to be a perfectionist with ULTRA high standards...

5) say yes to event on christmas day... considering it is a late noon / early evening gig, i should be fine and well from the partying on christmas eve...

6) religiously watch 'little nyonya'... it's good stuff... and coming from me, IT IS GOOD...

this time round... all comments will be appreciated and maybe, deleted... (*winks*)

final journey

in case you think i've suddenly turned all dark and depressed... i haven't...

final journey is just the name of my latest play for my students... it's definitely partly inspired by all that has been going on around me... the issue of LOVE...

when is comes to love... which is the greatest form? the love of self? the love of the other half? or the love of your firstborn (in this case, it could be your child, career or just something that you've crafted out of love)?

but one thing is certain... you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving... yes and sometimes, love demands that you give up even your own life... therein lies the contradictions and various schools of thought... how, then, is one capable of loving if he is dead? Is sacrifice really the ultimate act of love? Giving up everything and not holding back... then what about loving yourself?

Ain't life strange?

Newton's Laws

newton states that an object in motion will stay in motion...

perhaps we have all ignored this simple fact of life... if we choose to stop, it will take time to decelerate and then come to a complete halt... when the time arrives for us to move again, it will be tough cos there is the initial acceleration...

so what can one do?

maybe don't stop... just keep moving... forward, backwards, sideways... whatever life throws at you, stare at it with a note of defiance and just keep moving... yes the going will get tough but as long as we keep moving, we will get somewhere...

here i am...

it's a day after the birthday... while everyone was curious about what i was up on on that special day, i just did what i like... that meant sleeping till 12... then met ivan for ice-cream and had dinner with the council at night...

no fuss, no fancy... just a simple day doing the things i want to do... i guess after endless workflow, a day off is really a day off... the ability to switch off and ignore all work calls or messages... it felt good and was definitely a treat i wanted to give myself...

has anything changed since turning 27? not really... i'm still me, still worried about the year ahead, thinking about my next project and the uncompleted work, concerned about the bills and paperwork that needs attention...

but perhaps i may not have to face all these alone... now wouldn't that be nice? haha...

anyhow, the year end schedule looks pretty okay... this weekend would be regatta, next sat, off to batam for a short assignment... then i start precious moments on 1st dec... that then takes me to 20th dec... and there's the countdown event and a new year's day event too... in the midst of all these, got to start training with my drama students for syf and debates students (if i'm still coaching them)...

i love my life... do you?

guilty!

i'm convicting myself for the follwing crimes...

1) consumption of fastfood: for the past week, i think i have fastfood on alternate days... guilty!

2) neglect of elderly: on a daily basis, i communicate with my dad for less than an hour... it's either i'm too tired, too busy or simply not at home... guilty!

3) neglect of gym/training: i was just too lazy to move my ass... very guilty!

4) neglect of friends: my closest council has been attempting to throw a birthday dinner for me BUT the birthday boy just has a forever-changing schedule... guilty!

and since we are on the guilt issue... i have a confession too... i'm going to splurge on myself this birthday... just going to spend, spend and spend some more! especially since i'm an official member of the 60s club... for 2008 at least...

presents!!!

was just doing some mindless shopping today and saw christmas decorations going up... stores are starting to push out christmas offers already... before we get distracted by christmas presents, we shall all focus on an even more important event!

the diva aka the ice cold bitch aka the emperor of theatre hell aka the greenmonster aka the roadshow xiao tian wang aka auntie killer aka the handwashing kid aka the da ming xing IS turning 27... *faints*

and here's my wishlist for this year... i'm going to dream big and just spoil myself... and since i'm turning 27... i get 27 gifts!

1) that special someone (i deserve love too!)
2) a DS... in black
3) an ipod
4) a pair of boots
5) a photoshoot
6) new glasses
7) a bag (cos i gave my big big body bag away... i need one of those huge stylo bags)
8) my own dragonboat (yes... you heard me right)
9) a night in a six-star hotel suite
10) a pair of miAdidas
11) a MacBook
12) new shades
13) a bear that resembles me! (inspiration drawn from stella and candy's birthday)
14) a nice dinner at hyatt (pete's place... an all time favourite)
15) a personal assistant
16) vouchers to topman, espirit, zara
17) a fantastic tan! (i hate my ugly tanlines)
18) a pair of contact lenses
19) handphone (not sure of the model yet... but i would like a new mobile)
20) more cash would be nice (in fact money in general)
21) more vivo points (free parking is very important to me)
22) cashcard with ridiculous values in them (see above)
23) petrol vouchers ( i think we know which direction we are going)
24) a brand new car (new set of wheels only cost 1k... haha)
25) inspiration
26) a bigger room
27) THE WORLD... actually my own club would be fine too... haha

driving away the monday blues...

here're some surefire ways to perk up a monday morning...

1) receive an sms at 2.30am stating that 7.30am show is cancelled... yippee since (a) i just got home and was about to go to sleep (b) i was dreading the 7am drive to woodlands

2) do show at jurong primary school... the students have this infectious energy that impressed me deeply... when i drove in to the school, had to park near the canteen and there were like a group of eight students who tried to assist me in parallel parking (i had to shoo them off for fear of knocking into them)... whilst on stage, the students came up to us (the actors) and introduced themselves and made sure we were well taken care of... they got us seats... had the fans blowing at us... and they were just making backstage small talk... super pro la... I AM IMPRESSED!

3) check email to realise that i have a cheque ready... then went for a rehearsal session to receive another cheque... and came home to check bank account and see that a third company has banked in a cheque for me too! three cheques in a day... woohoo!

snapshots of love

screech
stop
stairs
stop
standstill
stop
stagger
stop
stare
stop
support
stop
steady

sigh... this is love

let it out...

just need to vent...

1) had to host a damn long event on sat... just received a call from the events company... main boss was not totally happy with the way the event went... well, i can't possibly defend myself, can i? under circumstances like these, the host (read: public face) is always the target board for feedback...

what to do? nobody knew what they were doing... the programme rundown was not properly done... no one sat me down to go through the names of YOUR vip... nobody knew what kind of mood they wanted to create... nobody told me that the audience was going to be in slippers under their graduation gowns... seriously, if i may be abrasive, you build yourselves a little sandcastle and claim to be lord... but alas, it is nothing but sand...

2) i love my work... i just hate the people... read (1)... it is another one of those people who self-declare themselves great and mighty... seriously dude, you gave actors the liberty to change lines because (a) your english sucks (b) your writing sucks (c) your plot sucks... so what's your problem?

and stop staring at my fucking crotch! you ain't getting anywhere near it...

3) how to say certain things and keep another's self value intact? in a different time and space, you would be another stranger... someone i would never give a second glance to... you would be free of my venom, my temper, my antics BUT we are a team... like that how? how to not be abrasive and yet maintain my own sanity...

HAIZ...

if only...

but there are silver linings in each cloud... there was definitely one in the rainclouds today... jiayou:)